Fall TV: 2011 Edition

So I'm a grad student now (preen, ponce, smug, big words). What I didn't know going in was that, unlike high school, undergrad, and being un- or underemployed, grad school involves rather a lot of hard graft. This means that my TV-watching time is drastically diminished. This fall I will only have time to follow The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, How I Met Your Mother, Raising Hope, Glee, Modern Family, Community, Parks & Recreation, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Archer, The Good Wife, Boardwalk Empire, and the last few episodes of Breaking Bad. Between reading approximately 487251 pages of academic articles per week, writing assignments, working in the campus kitchens, church, soccer, jam circle, game night, hiking group, and weekly karaoke, I just can't squeeze in any new shows.

Luckily, none of the new shows is worth the time it takes to type the title. I know this because my now legendary talent for judging the value of a new show has gotten so sensitive that I don't even need to see the pilot before evaluating it with pinpoint accuracy. Accordingly, I have not watched a single pilot this fall. (Well, except Up All Night, which seduced me with the wonderful Maya Rudolph. This time last year, Will Arnett would also have been a major draw, but I have not yet recovered from Running Wilde *shudder*).

So here it is: your handy, spectacularly ill-informed, print-out-and-keep guide to the Fall 2011 TV Season!

2 Broke Girls
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

Pan Am
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

The Playboy Club
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

Ringer
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

I Hate My Teenage Daughter
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

Revenge
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

Suburgatory
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

Up All Night
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

Person of Interest
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

The Secret Circle
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

Whitney
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

New Girl
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

A Gifted Man
Plot: Straight white people are boring
Letter Grade: Zzz

Last Man Standing / Man Up / How To Be A Gentleman
Plot: Are you fucking kidding me?